• Alice Godber

I Knew

I knew you were okay

I knew you had been in an accident

I checked my phone to see twenty missed calls


Fear.


I knew you were okay

I knew you were on your way to cricket

We had argued that day


Regret.


I knew you were okay

I cooked you tea

But you ate alone... I’m so sorry


Stubborn.


I knew you were okay

But I was angry

I was eighteen years old, that’s not a valid excuse


Endless.


I knew you were okay

I knew mum was racing to get to me

I knew my brother was rushing home

I waited for them


Impatient.


A knock at the door

I saw their green coats

Not for a second did I worry

Because I knew you were okay


Hopeful.


I opened the door

”I know, I know, I know...

he’s been in an accident but he’s getting help”


Confusion.


They froze

They asked if they could come in

Could I take a seat, I should sit down

I knew because I checked my phone to see twenty missed calls

You were getting help


Silence.


They told me

They told me you had been in an accident

They told me you died

There was nothing they could do


Silence.


I thought you were okay

I didn’t know

I was so convinced I knew

But I didn’t know.



By Alice Godber

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