
Alice Godber
I Knew
I knew you were okay
I knew you had been in an accident
I checked my phone to see twenty missed calls
Fear.
I knew you were okay
I knew you were on your way to cricket
We had argued that day
Regret.
I knew you were okay
I cooked you tea
But you ate alone... I’m so sorry
Stubborn.
I knew you were okay
But I was angry
I was eighteen years old, that’s not a valid excuse
Endless.
I knew you were okay
I knew mum was racing to get to me
I knew my brother was rushing home
I waited for them
Impatient.
A knock at the door
I saw their green coats
Not for a second did I worry
Because I knew you were okay
Hopeful.
I opened the door
”I know, I know, I know...
he’s been in an accident but he’s getting help”
Confusion.
They froze
They asked if they could come in
Could I take a seat, I should sit down
I knew because I checked my phone to see twenty missed calls
You were getting help
Silence.
They told me
They told me you had been in an accident
They told me you died
There was nothing they could do
Silence.
I thought you were okay
I didn’t know
I was so convinced I knew
But I didn’t know.
By Alice Godber